Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Don't let stress chip away at your marriage

Our jobs cause us stress and we still go to work everyday. Our children stress us out, but we don't give them away. We cope and make it work! So why do so many let stress tear their marriages apart?

Parade Magazine ran a story on divorces in America. Their survey revealed that finances and sex are the main sources of stress in marriage. Women also noted household chores high on their list of gripes. No surprise that 60% of men reported that they do not have enough sex and surprisingly to some, 51% of women shared that same feeling. Refreshingly enough, most still remained faithful in their marriages. Of the women respondents, 44% thought about leaving and 31% of men had the same thought.

With the current state of the economy many couples are experiencing stress and strain. It may be difficult for couples to relate and connect due to distractions and stress in their lives. This is a time that most couples should find strength and encouragement in their spouse. If only they could find a way to reconnect. Divorce will certainly be a greater source of financial strain and stress.

Many couples fall out of love because of stress. Stress can chip away at a couples bond and ones individual inner vitality. As a result, one can loose the self confidence necessary to nurture themselves and their relationships. In order to fall in love with your spouse again, you may need to fall back in love with yourself, FIRST.

- A boost of self confidence is a must. This may be difficult if you are feeling depressed. Don't put unnecessary demands on yourself and your spouse. Don't feel guilty when addressing your personal needs. If it will make you a better marriage partner, your spouse and marriage will benefit in the end.

- Stress will always manifest in life so develop better ways to cope. You don't have to put out every fire or tend to every crisis. Stress can take a toll on your mind and your physical health...its a scientific fact. Prioritize your endless to-do list.

- Do not measure success in your marriage in terms of accomplishments. If you do so, when you face adversity or difficulties you may interpret that adversity as a failure. This outlook will produce more stress. You can't and don't need to control everything.

- Communicate from a loving place. You want to be heard when communicating your feelings and needs. Approach your mate the same manner you would want to be approached in your high stressed state. Ask open ended questions instead of running down a list of things to-do.

Hold on tight and don't let go!

We invite you to share your stories of stress and how you cope and deal with stress in your marriage.


Newbie said...

This is so true! I get so mean and angry and my husband so easily. Why is that?

My supervisor at work direspects me on a daily basis and I never blow up at her. Why is that?

I think the underlying message behind dealing with stress is self assurance and respect. If you feel secure you don't need to power trip and if your respect your man you shouldn't disrespect him. and of course, vice versa.

I am still a newlywed and fortuantely we still have jobs but I know many couples struggling and can only imagine how stressful their marriages must be.

"the Mrs." said...

It's so true what you say Newbie. And this post just really touched me deep in my soul :) Marriage and life in general are stressful at times, and reading a post that's a little reminder of why I have and will continue to work as hard as I have is nice. Thanks Spicy Wifey. Sometimes we just need that extra push when things get tough, and I will definitely keep this in the back of my mind the next time my marriage faces an issue.

Spicy Wifey said...

Thanks Wifeys for sharing!
This is a powerful post and so relevant.

Newbie you raise a good point...we do blow up at our spouses in ways we wouldn't others in our lives. Others, with whom we don't share a life long bond with. Ironic!
That anger could be generated from stress and frustration. We think they should get it and respond they way we WANT them to. Thats not reality nor is it fair.

Lets count our blessings and work on coping better with stress. Lets fall in love with ourselves and our mates again! Stressing is exhausting,invest that energy in building up our spouses. They will build us up too!