Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Not feeling so Spicy?

I recently read an article about body image & how it often hinders intimacy in the bedroom between couples. As a woman and mother of 3, I can so relate. There are things about my body that have certainly changed over the years and it has taken some time, for me to embrace all the changes and reconnect with my SPICY side.

Fortunately, I have a spouse who doesn't seem phased. Most husbands probably want nothing more, for their wives to unleash their insecurities along with that cellulite and get crazy in the sheets! But if YOU feel unhappy with your body, its easy for doubt & insecurity to creep in and wreck havoc on your confidence. Despite support from your spouse, you have to feel spicy & sexy.

Joy Davidson, author of Fearless Sex writes, "Eighty percent of women are dissatisfied with their bodies. Five to ten million adolescent girls and adult women struggle with eating disorders in the United States alone. Almost half of all American women are on a diet any day of the week."

In conversation with my spouse, and my husband hates when he makes the blog by the way, lol! We had a pretty candid discussion about the topic and he provided some interesting insight from the male perspective. He stated most men don't perceive their wive's body they way she does. Men see the changes but don't perceive the changes as flaws. He also states, men find confidence a turn on and when women are hard on themselves, because men don't see the problem, the lack of confidence can be a turn off.

Interesting right? What are your thoughts? Lets hear from the men!

Quin, Spicy Wifey Co-Founder

DR. TRINA READ AND DR. BRIAN PARKER, male & female sex experts face off and debate the issue of Body Image - to read more visit hitched.
Dr. Trina Read has a doctorate in human sexuality. Dr. Read is also an international speaker and offers free sex tips on her website


Anonymous said...

My husband said the SAME THING yours did Quin. I always thought men where turned on by what they saw and after we had a baby, it doesn't look the same at all. But he doesn't care. Which made me feel better!

Spicy Wifey said...

Thank you Anonymous for your comments! I agree, I think men are visually stimulated too. But perception is reality in this case and some men just don't perceive what they see as unattractive. Fortunate for us too! The support helps you feel good about yourself which is fabulous,right?
I do know some men who aren't as loving and supportive and put a lot of pressure on their wives to loose weight and what not. Which can have the opposite affect if the criticism damages her confidence.
Besides, women are so forgiving...Men gain weight too and we just love away.
Quin, Co-Founder

IA06 said...

I must say that I had a really bad body image. I'm not overweight but I have saddlebags and I don't like shopping because I can't seem to find clothes that flatter or make me look\feel attractive. It also had an affect on our love life because I was self-conscious. I hated the way I looked. My husband didn't really care, he really loved me for me. After I had my baby 1 1/2 years ago, I somehow felt better about myself. Now I don't care what people think of me. I am comfortable in my skin now and I feel better than I ever had about myself. It gives me motivation to do more to be fit and healthy so I can tone up but not in a way that I feel desperate to do so. Of course my husband likes the new me and it makes our lives a whole lot better. It all starts within and once you love you and appreciate you, then others will follow which will motivate your self-esteem even more!

David Patrick said...

As a man, I will say that I also agree with your husband 100%. It's interesting that the body image problem is a problem that women put on each other and then think that their men find it to be a problem. We don't and by the time it's a real issue, your husband usually will lovingly say so. But before that, you shouldn't have to worry about whether he is finding you attractive or not. He is... he is attracted to YOU. All of you.

Usually a good man finds nothing more attractive than his own wife. Am I off base on that?

Anonymous said...

No you are right on! My husband said the same thing Quin's husand said too!
I know that we as women do put pressure on ourselves. So it starts with us.
I too, am struggling with issues and my husband reassuring me that he finds me sexy helps me so much. So I can focus on being fit for the right reasons, take my time at it and not feel pressure.

Spicy Wifey said...

Great, great comments!

Sex and intimacy is a HUGE part of our unions, therefore we have to nuture it. Statics reflect the money & sex are big issues in many marriages.

Many think that sex is the easy fix out of the two, but as I talk to other Wifeys, many are in a rut and don't know how to get out. The advice to "just do it" doesn't work if you can't get to a place to feel comfortable & relax and be intimate. Not feeling attractive can keep you from nurturing that sensual bond and lack of intimacy will create opportunity for other issues to plague other aspects of your marriage.

Not only are women hard on themselves, we are also taunted by images in media. Every commercial, advertisement & magazine reinforces images of women that most often don't look like us. So again, perception is reality! And if you begin to believe what you see, your reality is that you aren't sexy.

So loving your mate and giving that reinforcement is soooo key! It will give you the confidence and when you feel good you can take the steps to make the changes YOU want to make. Being fit & healthy is sexy! But being who you are and happy in the skin you are in to super sexy too!

Quin, Co-Founder